And just like that, we are back to regular scheduling for very important pop culture news and honeys, we have lots to catch up on. The girls have been booked and busy.
QUICK RECAP ON THE GIRLOS:
Mother remains undefeated.
Taylor Swift finally dropped Matt Healy back off at the pet rescue that she got him from, because that man is FERAL!
The Idol is not being renewed for a second season despite the groundbreaking new levels of scarlet portrayed on screen by The Weeknd. They need to lock Sam Levinson up in the same prison as Jen Shah and Elizabeth Holmes so he can meet some real IDOLS!
Drew Barrymore did a great interview and iconic cover with New York Magazine recently. She really is, MOTHER! SISTER! SAINT!
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a Drew Barrymore truther. I believe she is God’s chosen one, and the only reason climate change hasn’t totally destroyed us is because she has enough energy to keep us all going. One day, I will be on her show, she will sit on my knee and we will both cry about how much we love Che Diaz. And I will be healed.
Kourtney Kardashian announced she’s pregnant with her fourth child, bringing the total number of Kris Jenner’s clients to two million Kardashians.
AND JUST LIKE THAT…….CHE DIAZ IS BACK
Got a Succession hole in your life? Need some good storylines and great acting? Well, I’m sorry, honey, but prestige TV is over. We are pivoting to carnage now. It’s time for some chaos. I know you are missing your number one boy, but it’s time to meet your number one icon…….enter, Che Diaz.
And Just Like That Season 2 premieres this week, and please know that this is appointment viewing. This is the Super Bowl for seriously unwell people and Geminis.
If you haven’t seen Sex & The City, it doesn’t matter, because neither have the writers. They are spilling their ink everywhere and writing in several different languages because none of it makes any sense. I’m sorry, but I know they did not write that one, Ms. Samantha Jones abandoned her friends and moved to London. You’re telling me the Statue of Liberty herself moved to Brexit land?! Please put your pens down.
But it’s hard to stay mad at the writers because as much as I know it’s a mess, I also know that AI would not have had the nerve to create Che Diaz, and I know it could not write a sentence as groundbreaking as…
"Hey, Its Che Diaz.”
Four words that changed my life forever. Even God himself wrote B.C. (Before Che) & A.D. (After Diaz), because there is only life before and after Che. You think Angela Bassett did the thing, girl, wait until you see Che Diaz. But Che wasn’t even the most chaotic thing about Season 1, here’s a quick recap:
Big dies in episode one, with Chris Noth displaying some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen. A truly remarkable feat in this show. He dies partly of a heart attack but mostly because Carries starts kissing the face off him while he lays dying, instead of calling an ambulance. MURDERER! Big gets his revenge by haunting her through a lamp. Carrie continues wearing ludicrously capacious hats indoors and starts dating again, puking all over one of her dates. A storyline for one episode is an annoying alarm beeping in Carrie’s apartment that she can’t turn off. Which is what it feels like to watch this show.
Charlotte remains the most insufferable white woman on the planet when she discovers that people of colour exist and starts to collect black friends like they’re Pokemon. Miranda wears a different wig in every scene. Sometimes I think mid-scene I can see her change it. She becomes a fully fledged alcoholic, and with a son that annoying, I don’t blame her. They age Steve by 400 years and make him deaf, dumb and blind to the fact that Miranda hates him! Miranda falls for Carrie’s boss, Che Diaz, a podcast host who is not good at hosting and a comedian who is not funny. But Miranda is too drunk to notice either of these things and falls head over wig for them. You think Kendall’s press conference in Succession was a masterpiece? Wait until you see Miranda getting fingered in the kitchen by Che, while Carrie pisses the bed.
Too many other absolutely unhinged things happen in this season to recap here, but I beg of you, if you haven’t seen it, you MUST! The only thing this show is missing is a cameo from Judi Dench’s character in CATS. I want Carrie to take her as a pet in Season 2.
Season 2 promises to be even more unhinged, bringing back Kim Cattrall, who previously said she would rather die than ever be on the show again. Whoever was in charge of the negotiations for this cameo should be put in charge of the United Nations and given a Nobel Peace Prize.
Kim filmed one scene and only did it under the condition that she would not have to meet any of the main cast or the creator. In another iconic move, she had the original costume designer for Sex & The City, Patricia Field, come back to dress her and her only. It’s giving patron saint of DRAMA!
Look, it’s concerning to feminism how much I love this show, and I should probably be placed under medical supervision while watching it. But I am who I am, Padam, Padam!
Make sense dramaturgically? It wouldn’t dare. And that’s why I will be seated and taking notes.
WATCHING:
The Other Two Season 3
The funniest show on TV. Each season is better than the last.
Jury Duty
There are very few people in Hollywood who can do what James Marsden does. The other boys just don’t have the same charm, uniqueness, nerve, or please, even talent, as James Marsden. So, why bother even making him be anything other than JAMES MARSDEN!! Jury Duty is a perfect mix of humour, charm, and James Marsden just being James Marsden. Perfect TV!
Past Lives
I was once told by a “psychic astrologer”, that in my past life, the fingers on my left hand were chopped off because I was caught stealing. She said this so casually and matter of fact that she wondered if I still felt pain in my left hand. So, to say a movie about my past lives would be insane would probably be an understatement. But one day, I will write it.
In the meantime, I urge you to please watch this delicious new movie, Past Lives, by Celine Song. It’s perfect.
READING:
Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan
116 pages of beautiful writing.
LISTENING TO:
Padam Padam by Kylie Minogue
This is the only song that has ever existed, and these are the only words I speak now. Whatever you say, I say, Padam. Whatever you text, I respond, Padam Padam, and it always makes sense. Padam means nothing and, at the same time, everything. I am in my Padam era, and I will not be stopped.
I am, therefore I PADAM!
GOOD TWEET
